I am getting on a bit in years now, I don't really like to admit it. Personally, I don't think I look as old as I am, but I am probably a bit biased and looking in the mirror with rose tinted glasses.
My knees disagree with me daily though, they are screaming at me that they are not 18 any more. I still like to run up the stairs and collapse in a heap halfway up when my knees give way. sigh. I go to physio now.
Grey hairs? Yes I have a few. I can handle them. I got them after spending a week in hospital at my son's bedside after he had heart surgery. A surgery that the surgeon had only done a handful of times before. Thank goodness it all went well and if you looked at my son, you would never have guessed he needed this life-saving surgery. I deal with them by home-colouring my hair on an irregular basis (I am lazy).
Recently, my husband commented that I possibly needed to look into some kind of facial hair removal. My eyebrows shot up into my hair line (I still have LOADS of hair, thanks to good genes), and I just said "oh?". He then pointed out something that I had been pointedly ignoring when I looked into the mirror everyday:
"Yeah" he said cautiously (and this is why I love him) "your foundation seems to be clinging to those small hairs at the corners of your mouth..." he then beat a hasty exit and came back bearing a cup of tea and biccies.
Bless him. He was talking about my 'tache.
*deep breath* I am dark haired and unfortunately the little hairs on my upper lip have been getting darker and darker as I age....
Now, now, Calm down. I am not about to give you nightmares by showing you close-up pictures of my facial hair. I may be mean, but never vindictive.
So I toddled off to boots and picked up this little box:
Boots Smooth Care Facial Hair Removing Cream for Normal Skin. It cost me €4.59.
There is quite a bit of print on the back of the box that you should read. I read it. I noted the warnings and decide to give it a go. I have used various hair removal creams on other body parts before, so I figured I wouldn't have a problem.
Inside the box, I found two tubes (not just one as I had expected) and a spatula.
Ok. I can get behind the Moisturising Finishing Cream idea. Although I had a little niggle. Anyways.
I duly followed all the instructions. Applied the cream to the "affected" area. I walked around the privacy of my bedroom with my white-cream moustache for 3 minutes. The smell wasn't too offensive, it didn't sting or burn, and it didn't slide off my upper lip (and into my mouth). All good points to note.
Then I checked a small area to make sure it was indeed time to remove it, and removed the cream gently. All those "little" hairs were gone!!!! "smoove as a bebiez bum". Awesome. Tube "Step One" works. And it works well. I like it. It does exactly what it says on the tin and I was a happy camper so far.
Now. From previous experience, I know to wait at least 8 hrs before applying ANY kind of moisturising cream/lotion/gel/oil to ANY chemically depilatoried skin. But the instruction leaflet says to apply the "Step 2" cream immediately after using the cream to calm any redness and moisturise the skin.
Why the hell I went ahead and ignored my instinct, and put that blasted cream
Because for the next 10 minutes I cried, real actual tears, as I tried to stop the burning. I looked for a picture that would try to convey my pain, terror and horror. But I have found nothing that comes close. So please imagine:
- me hopping round the bathroom with a cool facecloth on my upper lip, crying.
- me calling to the hubs through a locked door to bring me ice, crying.
- and telling him to find the anti-histamine cream and tablets while crying.
- and making him pass them to me through the smallest crack that would allow those things through, trying to stop crying.
- me, sitting sobbing, on the floor with ice on my top lip, chewing tablets to facilitate faster effect and plastering another thick layer of white cream onto my top lip, trying to stop the tears from washing away the cream that was helping.
Bloody hell. When I finally emerged, 30 minutes later, the redness and stinging had finally subsided and I admitted my stupidity to my other half. I almost chucked Step 2 into the bin. But I decided against it. I don't like to waste. Next time I will NOT, repeat NOT, put that stuff on immediately after using step one. I strongly suggest, nay, demand, you do too.
So you would think this story ends happily.
It doesn't. Why?
It is hair. It grows back.
I can, hand on heart (or Bible, to quote the Kardashians), say that I have never, ever brought a razor anywhere near to my face.
But I may as well have. Re-growth is a bitch. I had baby-smoothness for little less than a week. And then I felt the start of stubble and I think I was far more aware of that than I was when it was just a bit darker, au-naturale.
I won't be using this on my face again. I just cannot get over that horrible feeling of stubble on my top lip, I may try it on my... erm.... Lady Garden, but I think I will try bleaching my 'tache next instead...
Sure, what could go wrong with that???